A recent posting on a blog I follow, during a rant against overprotective parents, schools, and communities, lifted up the ubiquitous aphorism "Boys will be boys." In my present context I hear this refrain used to excuse boys kicking balls in the house, hitting other kids when they're angry, and consistently choosing loud and dangerous activities over quieter, more intellectual pursuits. When I hear it used in narratives about adult males, it often excuses misogyny, driving fast and dangerously, and the willingness to eat food from someone else's plate at a restaurant.
I do not wish to take issue with "Boys will be boys" here.
But I have a daughter. My question is, What will girls be? To couch it in parallel terms: what would it mean to say, "Girls will be girls"? (My use of the phrase is speculative; I have never heard it said.)
May I say "Girls will be girls" in order to excuse time-sucking attention to wardrobe choices? Does it play as a reason to accept adopting a victim stance in situations of conflict? How about talking trash about other girls when they're not around? In the adult world, is it fair to say "Girls will be girls," and then accept a woman's use of her sexual charms to bait men? Or accept gossiping as an alternative to conflict resolution? Or explain away emotional outbursts?
If (we) boys get a bye on so many things because we're boys, I'd like to know in advance on what things my daughter gets a bye. I don't want to waste parenting energy on helping my daughter out of difficult behavior if I have the option of saying, "Oh, well. Girls will be girls!"
Curiously,
emrys
1 comment:
Growing up in a house with 3 sisters, and having 2 of my own. I would say it is used when:
1.Time in the bathroom requires you to really think about adding another one to the house.
2. That they always go in groups to public bathrooms
3.The rules guys apply to their tools, girls apply to their wardorbe
4. There really is a time each month when it is easier to send a girl to her room for the day then to try to reason with her.
And yes in our home growing up the words girls will be girls was heard from my dad in dealing with his 4 girls. He was rather happy when the boy was born and he had someone who called tools by there correct name and thought that the garage was the best place in the world, and didn't have a need to talk so much.
I am more likly to say UGH Girls when faced with a girl issue that drives me nuts( usally someone crying ), and UGH Boys when faced with another hole in the wall. And just because it might be a boys will be boys or a girls will be girls thing it doesn't mean you always get to advoid it , but deal with it for the uptenth time and hope and pray that you will someday be able to guide negative behaviors into something useful.
I have gotten lucky and my two girls are nothing like me and my sisters were about clothes, but a timer is always handy for the bathroom.
Margery
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