Positive Extortion

I'm convinced there are some professions whose sole basis for operation is extortion. They acquire money by offering to do for other people what other people could perfectly well do for themselves, but for the lack of some bureaucratic designation or certification.

Lawyers are one of these professions. Recently I had to get a lawyer to certify that our congregation existed in county records. I went down to the county clerk, found all the pertinent records, and discovered that our congregation had not been dissolved. Work done. However, it was not enough for me to get that information and report it to the bank (from whom we are trying to secure a loan). The bank needs a lawyer to do it. What took me two hours of my own time now must be done by a lawyer, who will charge us between $400 and $500 for the service. The reason? He has lawyer-letters after his name.

I am often convinced that automobile mechanics make their living on the same premise. Thus I was reluctant to take our Mazda, which had been misbehaving on start-up, to the mechanic. Surely I could fix this myself. It's either the battery (ruled that out), empty fuel tank (ruled that out), the starter, or the fuel pump.

(Before I continue, recall that in "Occam's Razor," dated 4 January, I discovered that our Mazda wouldn't start because of low fuel in the cold. My discovery was in error. Doh! Just a few days later, our Mazda failed to start again, with a full tank.)

So we're back to the starter or the fuel pump. Now, I have access to ramps, and could get the car up on the ramps, get on my back in the snow, and fish around in -5 degree weather trying to sort this out. Or I could take it to the shop. I could suffer and do it myself, or get extorted out of significant amounts of money. I could bash my head against a rock or against a hard place.

My decision was aided by my lovely wife's keen observation that loss of money is often more desirable than loss of temper or sanity. In the face of this wisdom, the next time the Mazda started we took her to the shop.

Was it the starter? I waited for a week to find out. I was prepared to pay a couple of hundred bucks to have a rebuilt starter put in (just to get us through the next 90,000 miles). Or was it the fuel pump? This would be a higher-ticket item, but still worth it given the excellent record of this car. I braced myself to pay two hours of lawyer's wages to get this thing fixed. Whatever the cause, I was sure that the mechanics would tell me something I already knew and was prepared to hear.

They told us it was the clutch linkage.

Huh. I never thought of that.

The automobile experts discovered what I probably never would have: that the clutch linkage was loose. Since a depressed clutch is required to start the car, when the clutch didn't properly engage the car wouldn't start. So they tightened the clutch and the gear shift, and handed us a bill of $93. More knowledge, less work, less money, less frustration. Huh. And the Mazda drives like a dream.

Maybe professional extortion isn't always so bad--if it gets the job done. Kudos to the guys at Russell's Garage. Do this kind of work, and you can have my money.

~emrys