Fear

"We'll schedule you for a CT scan."

The words were no surprise. I knew a CT scan was the next step in the differential diagnosis of my inflamed sinuses. After one round of antibiotics and a trial period of antihistamines, we decided that an image of the problem spots was in order. The easy, straightforward procedure made sense.

Yet something devoid of logic crept up on my soul during the drive to the hospital: fear.

The last time someone in my household had a CT scan, it was part of treatment for cancer. So my heart, in the strange way the human spirit makes irrational associations, chained the specter of cancer to the words "CT scan." After seven years and an official declaration of "cured," the ghost remains.

Before I could get a handle on the outpouring of my soul, I saw images of my daughter growing up without a daddy, a house full of unfinished projects, and a wife for whom no amount of insurance money would replace a life. I imagined the call from a physician asked to do the read of a routine scan who found something ominous: "We need you to come in immediately."

Then I remembered how much I knew, and how much I didn't know, and I let the "what ifs" drift off into God's oblivion. Half an hour later I spent two minutes inside the whirring ring of the scanner which compiled the computed tomography of my sinus cavities. Seven days later I sat in my doctor's office listening to the reading of "mildly inflamed sinuses" and figuring out the next step.

Another round of antibiotics for me. And another moment when the future trumped fear.

~ emrys

Look Who's 3 - and some Gwendolysms

Decked out in her princess skirts and birthday bling, Gwendolyn had a great birthday with family and friends.  Most days she will now tell you she's "twee" and hold up the corresponding fingers.  But there are some days when she'll tell  you she's four, or seven or ten.  We promptly correct her and ask her to slow down!  Her favorite movie these days is Cars - "I like the red car!"

He speech seemed to pick up at an amazing rate in the last few weeks and she is quite the little chatter box.  Since most of children's speech is picked up from conversations around them, here's a little peek into our world through Gwen quotes:

"Mommy, I gettin' too big for my pants"

G: "Mommy I need medicine, I sick"
Me: "You can't go play with K if you're sick"
G: "Mommy, I all better now!"

Regarding a package that came in the mail: "It for me!  It my birthday". Um, nope, its car parts.  Nice try though.

After taking the laundry out of the dryer for me: "I a big hepper".  Yes, yes you are!

"Mommy, I take a nap. Now I need a wowwipop".  (Exchange the w's for l's for a full translation - and I was so glad to get the nap too that I was happy to indulge her with a wowwipop!)

Life is full, and Gwendolyn is a great joy.  Happy 3 Years to my Baby Girl!

Two More Years In The Life Of

our home. Here are the highlights from the journal of our house in the last twenty-four months:

Garden shed painted green and brown. It matches the house, if you don't put the two too close together.
Installed a new railing on the stairs.
Went European on our toilet.
Reinforced the wall on the pellet shed, so we wouldn't have a mid-winter avalanche of pellets on the back porch.
Repaired french drain on rear end of house.
Bedroom closet renovation completed, and bedroom repainted. Looks fabulous.
Removed window in upstairs bathroom in order to accommodate new medicine cabinet and mirror. I don't have to lean over to shave in the mirror anymore. Huzzah!
Contractors push out front wall on first floor, adding eighty-eight square feet of new interior (kitchen table and mud room).
Stained new exterior surface with a color that might eventually go on the rest of the house.
Replaced a leaky kitchen faucet with a new one bought on the cheap after someone returned it without a non-essential part.
Added shed roof on front of house to keep storm water from leaking in the new wall.

First project for 2012: new floor in the kitchen!

~ emrys