Homer Simpson is now an American icon. One of the most recognized gestures in American (and all English-speaking) pop culture is the quote of "Doh!" when Homer slaps his forehead after doing something stupid. I just had occasion to rehearse my Homer Simpson impression, as we discover more about living in upstate New York in the winter.
Our Mazda, a 626 model with 166,000 miles on it, is supposed to last us to about 250,000 miles. All our mechanic friends tell us that the engine in the 1997 Mazdas are good ones. We expect (and believe we'll get) another 5 years out of it. In order to extend its life, we have made our recently-acquired Hyundai Elantra the primary car. The Mazda only gets about one workout a week now.
December brought us a wicked cold snap. Temperatures dropped into the teens. It wasn't weather in which you want to be broken down on the side of the road. Imagine my dismay, then, when one clear day in December I went to start up the Mazda and--drum roll--it didn't start. She sure cranked a lot, but didn't start.
The web diagnosis for lots of turnover but no firing is a set of three possibilities. First, it could be the starter (probably a medium-ticket item, but not disastrous). Second, it could be the fuel pump (a bit higher on the price list, but still worth it for another 90K or so). Third, it could be the spark plugs, and easy and relatively cheap fix.
You can see that at this point I'm starting to see dollar signs, and not in the way my mechanic sees them when I bring the car into the shop. I'm seeing them moving away from me. And a voice in the back of my mind is wondering if I can really expect those extra five years, after all.
What to do in a situation like this? Call up a friend of ours who is training to be a mechanic. Surely he will enjoy the sleuthing to find out what's wrong with our little Mazda. And we can pay him in brownies and ice cream. Sweet. So he comes over, hooks his truck's battery up to the Mazda, revs it for a while, and starts up our gold four-door. "It's the battery," he pronounces. Awesome. A new battery is only going to run us about a hundred bucks.
We put the new battery in, and drive the Mazda for a couple of days.
After another cold snap, I go out to start it up, and I get a lot of turnover, but no firing. Sigh. I did notice that after a few minutes of attempted starts, the "Empty" light came on the dashboard for the gas tank. But this car was the one that made it from Pasadena to the Getty Museum and back on "Empty," 'cause it gets 35 miles to the gallon. That couldn't be the problem here. No way. And I've still got options as to what's wrong. It's most likely a missing tooth on the starter cog (a common wear-out problem): on this the sugar-daddy mechanic and I agree.
I'm advised that if it's the starter, I ought to try changing the battery cable first, as a rotten cable can cause miscommunication between the battery and the starter and result in non-start. So I ask Sara to pick up a cable at Wally World. But is it the right length? After a phone conversation with our brownie-munching mechanic, I resolve that I have to get the car up on ramps, in order to get under it, in order to find the starter, in order to find out how long a battery cable I need, in order to change it and see if that's the real problem.
Today I borrowed a pair of ramps (from a relative of the ice cream grease monkey), and brought them home. However, the next step is to get the Mazda on the ramps. Very difficult when she doesn't start. So I maneuver the Hyundai in front of the Mazda, affix the jumper cables (bought to help solve this debacle), and let the Mazda suck some juice from the Hyundai for a while. Then I bring Sara out to rev the Hyundai while I try and start the Mazda.
No dice. It's 25 degrees out, and the Mazda's giving little response. Twice I get what sounds like the beginning of pistons firing, but it doesn't take. We shut down the Hyundai and I give it one more try, just for kicks. I hear one, two firings, but no start. "What if it's too low on gas?" Sara asks. I don't see how that's possible. That can't be the problem. But at this temperature I'm willing to try anything from having to get it towed into the shop. I go in and get our gasoline can out of the garage. When I open up the gas-cap, there's a mighty hiss, like the one you hear at the pump on a hot summer's day. I pour in the remaining gallon of fuel from the can, replace the cap, and pray a little prayer.
After one turn of the key and two pumps on the accelerator, the Mazda starts right up.
Doh!
I mean, Praise the Lord!
Best we can figure is that the Mazda sat long enough in the descending cold that three things happened. First, the fuel settled in the line, farther away from the fuel injectors. Second, the temperature drop in the fuel tank (which was mostly air because it was below one-quarter full) created a relative vacuum which kept the fuel from getting into the fuel line on start-up. Third, it's just plain cold. And anyone with aging joints, like our Mazda has, will tell you that it's harder to get going in the cold.
Whatever the reason, I can't hide the embarrassing truth. We were searching all over the engine for a solution to one of the timeless (and simplest) problems of auto mechanics: we were out of gas. That was the real problem. Or--I start to wonder when I remember first seeing the "Empty" light come on--maybe the real problem is me. Hm. Which one's more expensive to fix?
You'd think I would have learned after the Wellington, New Zealand debacle. Doh!
~emrys
1 comment:
There's surely a sermon in this tale of woe!!
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